The gavel bangs for the last time...
The judges rise,
The court follows suit.
Our fate is being tallied on three slips of paper.
As we joke in camaraderie,
We can't help but stare at the judges as they cast their ballots.
We see the envelope handed to they clerk,
And realize that our burden has been passed to Fate.

We laugh, we cry we sigh...
As the gavel bangs for the last time.

this is how it works
you're young until you're not
you love until you don't
you try until you can't
you laugh until you cry
you cry until you laugh
and everyone must breathe
until their dying breath

this is how it works
you peer inside yourself
you take the things you like
and try to love the things you took
and then you take that love you made
and stick it into some--
someone else's heart
pumping someone else's blood

Sometimes I wish I would've had the normal high school experience.
Where my school actually had a football team and hosted worthwhile dances.
Where my biggest problems revolved around boys and whether my outfit matched or not.
Where drugs were real and physical bullies weren't just fictional characters portrayed to you in Hollywood's latest teen drama.

It sounds weird that I would desire the things that most teenagers wish they could escape,
But I can't help but wonder what I would be like if I had a more normal school experience.
I'm sure I wouldn't be as academically successful , but maybe I'd be able to make more of a significant and worthwhile bond with people my own age.
Maybe I wouldn't feel paranoid about going to coed parties or using too large of a vocabulary in normal conversation.
Maybe I wouldn't be dubbed the teacher's pet or looked upon by boys as nothing more than homework help.
Maybe St. Mary's was just an escape route for facing some of life's greatest social complications.

In preparing me academically, I can't help but wonder if St. Mary's has failed me socially.
Fortunately or unfortunately we will discover the answer in 9 short months.

Will I be among one of "Tomorrow's Leaders" or will I simply blend into the world's wall paper...?

Only time will tell.

Here are my 101 things that I would love to accomplish in 1001 dayz

101/1001

1.2..3...GO!

1. Figure out what college I'm going to.

2. Get the license

3. Finish Freud's Dream Psychology

4. Go on a real date

5. Do something completely daring that i wouldn't have ever dreamed of doing in high school

6. Go on a road trip with friends

7. Put gum on the gum wall in Seattle

8. Finish writing a book of poetry or short prose

9. Travel like crazy mad

10. Learn a new language, preferably Italian

11. Meet someone really famous

12. Overcome my fear of boys

13. Learn to recite word for word the whole of Monty Python and the Holy Grail

14. Get a real job

15. Go to a concert of a band I am completely in love with

16. Expand my Euro collection

17. Read a novel in Spanish...and understand it

18. Stop posting status updates about you

19. Make a mandala and destroy it

20. Give the letter to her

21. Go back to Venice

22. Make sense of my dreams

23. Try a new sport

24. Finish watching the 100 greatest movies of all time

25. Make an important decision spontaneously

26. Learn how to french braid...well

27. Learn how to write legibly with my left hand

28. Start going to UU services

29. Frame some of my photographs

The days when our biggest worries were if our clothes matched too much or if we went over our allotted text messages.

The times when we made up code names for boys we liked and stalked people.

The age when we were still more or less innocent and thought the future was predictable.

The coffee patronage, the scribbled messages, the tivod comedies.

I want those days back.


...Wait.... What am I saying?????????...No I don't!


I was just a pawn, a serf, a step ladder to get you to the next stage.
I was nearly as worthless as your last season's hand bag.
But stupid me...I didn't realize how little I meant to you.

Somedays I really miss you, but other days I don't.
Sometimes Bella's gaping hole opens up inside of me in a platonic way,
And other times I never feel more complete.


It's easy to wish I could go back in time, but it's harder to face the biting reality.
I am convinced that everything happened for the best, but that's not to say I don't wish it could've happened less painfully.


I hate how I spend so much time on you.
The fact that you've moved on and I haven't still plagues me like Prometheus
I battled waves of depression, paddling against them with all my might,
The hypochondriac in me constantly stabbing at my heart.


Today my worries are larger than clothes and text messages.

I try my best to behave in a mature way around others.

I am not innocent and realize the future is not predictable.

I buy my own coffee, I don't scribble notes to you, and I watch comedies live.




And I could never have grown up if it hadn't been for you.

I did it.
Suck on that College Board!
12k here I come.

1. The Necklace
2. Titi Green
3. Singing in the Auditorium
4. Bowling
5. The Call
6. Diet Pepsi
7. The Letter
8. Freud

"Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We're just warming up."

-  Chuck Palahniuk
"After the end of the day, the king and the pawn go in the same box."

- Italian Proverb

"We are all born originals. Why is it so many of us die copies?"

- Edward Young

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

- Howard Thurman


And here are a few of mine:

"The most precious things in our lives tend to enter unexpectedly"

"Often times when no path seems to fit, one must be willing to fire up the steamroller and create a new one"

"The mind is like a wet piece of clay, with each visitor adding to the molded masterpiece"

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your music library.
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

Opening Credits:
Permanent Rain by The Dangerous Summer

Waking Up:
Like woah! Aly & AJ

First Day of School:
Mika Sampler by Mika

Falling in Love:
Here we go again by Paramore

Fight Song:
Pictures of you by The last Goodnight

Breaking Up:
Trapt Doot by Onerepublic

Life:
Breathe by Michelle Branch

Mental Breakdown:
Bang Bang by Soho Dolls

Driving:
take me out by Franz Ferdinand

Flashback:
There by Sean kingston

Getting Back Together:
The Adventure by Angels and Airwaves

Wedding:
The Great Escape by Boys like Girls

Birth of Child:
Breakfast at Tiffany's by Deep Blue Something

Final Battle:
My Favorite Accident by Motion City Soundtrack

Death Scene:
Viva la Vida by Coldplay

Funeral Song:
The Call by Regina Spektor

End Credits:
Hands on me by Vanessa Carlton

 God is a concept,
By which we can measure,
Our pain,
I'll say it again,
God is a concept,
By which we can measure,
Our pain,
I don't believe in magic,
I don't believe in I-ching,
I don't believe in bible,
I don't believe in tarot,
I don't believe in Hitler,
I don't believe in Jesus,
I don't believe in Kennedy,
I don't believe in Buddha,
I don't believe in mantra,
I don't believe in Gita,
I don't believe in yoga,
I don't believe in kings,
I don't believe in Elvis,
I don't believe in Zimmerman,
I don't believe in Beatles,
I just believe in me,
Yoko and me,
And that's reality.
The dream is over,
What can I say?
The dream is over,
Yesterday,
I was dreamweaver,
But now I'm reborn,
I was the walrus,
But now I'm John,
And so dear friends,
You just have to carry on,
The dream is over.

- You can pretty much do anything for 3 minutes
- Knees are important
- The three most important words ever: LET IT RUN
- The Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about
- Paddlers serve as part time singing groups as well (ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT)
- It takes a paddler to understand that Dragonboating is like pregnancy....yeah....*give

My two favorite melancholy songs

The first reminds me of Venice, Junior year, and pretty much any major change

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing:
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never, never an honest word
That was when I ruled the world
(Ohhh)

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in.
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
(Ohhhhh Ohhh Ohhh)

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
Oooooh Oooooh Oooooh


The second reminds me of the seniors and moving on and my family

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'till it was a battle cry

I'll come back..
When you call me
No need to say good bye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before

All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back when its over
No need to say good bye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say good bye.

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stonger and stonger
'til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

WOW i do this all the fucking time

wow fail

fail
fail
fail

So i definitely have certain songs that make me think of certain events in my life and i would like to share:

• July, July! - The Decemberists: The Obama Rally
• Swallowed in the Sea - Coldplay: Italy/Venice
• My Rollercoaster - Kimya Dawson: Camp/childhood friends
• Goodnight Goodnight - Hot Hot Heat: Boy encounters
• Through the monsoon - Tokio Hotel: Junior Year
• Another Sunny Day - Belle and Sebastian: Dragonboats
• New Shoes - Paolo Nutini: Florence

 So I went to the Obama rally today sort of on the fence in terms of support.
I pretty much waited in line (in the hot sun) for like 6 hours to hear the guy speak.
But you know what...

It was totally worth it.

We stood in the second row, I got some awesome pictures and I got to shake his hand.
His speech was incredibly moving and it really made me put my faith in him to be a strong leader for our mildly confused and chaotic nation.

This sounds so corny, but you know when you get out of a boat and someone offers you their hand for support...? Well that's what it felt like shaking Obama's hand. In that two seconds we mande contact I felt his strength and I felt completely connected.

I hope he becomes our next president.

Vote Obama in '08!